Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
