It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
