To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
