I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize