i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
