I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize