Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
