Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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