so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
