She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
