Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
