Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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