Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
