She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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