just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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