A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
