i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
