Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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