I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
