so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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