guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she woke up with a sticky ear
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
