her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
