i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
