sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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