He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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