I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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