based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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