her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
