I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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