did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line