so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT