Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it