What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
