I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes