Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess