I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
