gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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