So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
