Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
