You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize