i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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