she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Randomize
