just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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