I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
