Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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