I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
