1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
