I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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