I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize