my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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