I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
