Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
