first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
