dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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