So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
