lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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