Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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