I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
