the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize