Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
