you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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