My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.