I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
