NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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