Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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