You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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