proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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