I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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