Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
