i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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