smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
