i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
