I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
