everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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