I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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