im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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