i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
