um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
