that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
