It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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