Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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