I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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