go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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