my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
