if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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