i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
